To be totally honest, I just wasn’t feeling it last week. I wanted so badly to be on top of everything and to have all of my Easter activities all lined up and planned out, ready to make memories with the kids. And then it hit. The kids got colds, which isn’t usually a huge deal to me except I also got a cold too like I haven’t had in a long time. I am thankful that I kind of forgot how yuck you feel We got crappy news about an offer we put in on a house…I was not prepared for house hunting to be so emotional! Also realizing that Zeke is really turning 2 next week, which is an awesome thing to celebrate, but really kind of makes me sad. I really didn’t want another Easter to just pass me by again without truly realizing why we celebrate it.
On Good Friday, as I got ready and after telling my kids to stop doing the same things I always tell them to stop doing :/, I prayed. I asked for the rest of the weekend to not just pass by. For me to realize what God has done for us. My eyes were opened once again through being a parent of how depraved we are and how many times we are asked to stop doing the same things over and over. That is what Jesus died for. Selflessly. I asked that I would die to myself as Jesus did. Because truthfully, all I wanted to do was spend the day by myself, not taking care of my kids and correcting them every 5 seconds for doing that same wrong thing again.
As we went along with our day, I had different opportunities to tell Autumn (and Zeke too because he is stuck in the car seat listening 😉 ) about Good Friday. To tell her why Jesus had to do what he did. Because God hates sin. We even talked about the stone in front of the tomb because of her new found rock collection.
So on Saturday, like any good parent, we took our kids house hunting instead of to an Easter egg hunt…I’m not too worried, they will have their turn 😉 . I understand it’s probably not the most fun in the world, but seriously, how many times do you have to tell your kids to not touch something?! Maybe I am old fashioned, but I believe there is a time to play and a time to use self control and stay by mommy and daddy’s side. Yeah, yeah, “kids will be kids,” but there comes a time of training and teaching them when it is and isn’t ok to act certain ways.
We got home and had lunch and Autumn was really pushing it. She had been asked to “stop” too many times and other discipline was needed. My heart broke as she got really upset at her consequences. I felt God speak so clearly to me in that moment of how his heart breaks when his children sin. God hates sin. And that sin is what nailed Jesus to the cross. I can’t imagine the anguish and pain God felt for his Son as he was being punished for something he didn’t even do! And it broke my heart as she got a swat on the tush :/.
I talked about this with Ryan and he made the point too of God’s forgiveness in the matter. We love Autumn so much that after her nap we still wanted to see her and cuddle her and love on her as much as possible. She didn’t even ask for forgiveness, but we weren’t going to hold a grudge against her because we love her. God tells us to ask for forgiveness and that our sins will be as far as the east is from the west, remembered no more. That’s how it is with our kids. I don’t want to dwell on what has been done wrong any more than our Heavenly Father does. He also tells us though to repent, to go and sin no more which is why if our kids do the same wrong thing over and over, there will be consequences for their actions. I don’t think God spanks us when we do the same wrong thing again and again, but it definitely hurts when we realize we have done wrong and have to humbly come before him asking forgiveness for something we know grieves his heart.
The really cool thing when she woke up? She realized what she had done and was apologizing without being told to! She wasn’t going to dwell on her mistakes, she wanted to go play God wants us to play. He wants us to be free. He knows we will mistakes and loves us anyway. Autumn gave me an illustration of this when she woke up too!
I was making bread and she asked if she could help too. Honestly, I wanted to do it quick and with as little mess as possible, but I try really hard to not just do everything myself without giving them a chance to learn and always telling them no. So I knew there would be more of a mess, but a chance for her to learn and grow. It hit me there that God is the same way with us. He could very easily do everything himself. He doesn’t need our help. And considering our sinful state, it’s a wonder he does allow us to be his hands and feet! But he knows. He knows we have faults. He knows we make messes. But he still loves us and wants us to grow and learn and to continuously be more like him. Loving us so much that he gave us a way through his Son to rid us of those things that make our lives so messy. Loving us so much that he gave HIS son “spankings” on OUR behalf that we can be with him forever one day.
All in all, it turned out to be a pretty sweet and special Easter weekend. It doesn’t matter how I feel because my shortcomings don’t make him love me any less. They just make me realize how much more I really need him!